My Mom has Butt Cancer

I am so GOOD!

2010-03-12T20:35:00.000-08:00

I can not believe it has been so long since I updated!!! The scan is clear! YEA! I am on my way to remission! What a trying but blessed experience this was. I hated that I had cancer,but I have a whole new perspective on myy life. I appreciate everyone and everything more. Little stuff matters.

I am starting to feel whole again. Cancer is not the first thought on my mind every morning or the last one when I go to sleep. I want to thank everyone for all the support while I was dealing with it all. Now, I am coming back!

Please check your butts! Its all so important. My journey has been successful mainly for all the love and support of new and old friends.

Scan tomorrow

2010-01-19T19:22:00.000-08:00

Ok so tomorrow is the DAY. The day to know if all the treatment was worth it. I am totally freaking out! I had a panic attack getting the drinks...that yucky stuff you have to drink so that all the little cancer cells will light up. I think I am more scared about this, than any of the other stuff. Its been a hellish ride and I hope the end is near!

Everybody just says that everything will ok. But they have not clue, it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like a lottery.. did I win??? I don't know and this is the final scratch on the ticket! I thought I would be excited but I am scared. Scared that the cancer is still here. Scared that I wasn't strong enough to fight it. Scared that I haven't lived enough.

The worest thing is I probly wont get the results for a whole nother week! This is just nerve racking but I hope and pray that all will be fine. I am strong, I am a fighter and I won the battle, now its time to win the war!

Buying a Scale

2010-01-03T11:36:00.001-08:00

Buying a Scale

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I am a Human Landfill!

2009-12-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

I am starting a new chapter! A more healthlier ME! Notice I didn't say Skinner! I feel being healthlier will benefit me for than saying I want to lose weight! Even though ultimately that is the goal. I found a wonderful person to help me along this journey.. Grethen at GST fitness! My first task send her an email with what I typically eat in a day! I must say that just writing it out.. Grossed me out! I decided to keep a food journal, maybe I 'll hestitate eating that candy bar, if I know I have to write it down. She also suggested I get a scale! Been avoiding that one, who wants a daily reminder of how big they are????

All can hope for is postive change and that this will help me remain cancer free. I am amazed that I don't have other health issues!

So we are off, are you going to continue with me on this new adventure???

Amazing People

2009-12-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

I am still amazed by the people that come into life and offer assistance , some without even knowing me. I have truely been blessed with friends.. old and new. Not much i s going on health wise. I am still getting very tired but I am so energized. I am glad I did the surgery and even more grateful that it is working. Not perfectly but working.

I have set a new goal for myself and that is to get HEALTHY! I am not saying LOSE WEIGHT because I really do want to be healthy and I think the weight lose will be an added benefit. I am debating about documenting my new GET HEALTHY KAT journey let me know what you think?

In the last three days, several (more than one ) have told me that I am AMAZING. HUH, I just consider myself lucky to be able to give back and be there for others. I never thought I was anything special but maybe I am . I know that I am who I am because of the people in my life. I reconnected with an OLD friend. Isn't amazing how the bonds we forge early in life can be the stronges? I am also amazed by the instant connection I have with friends I have met recently. I am trying to reconnet with everyone, so if we have been unable to meet up forever. LEts do it. You never know when life will throw you a loop. Till another day... and remember to CHECK Your Butt.

I did It.

2009-10-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

I did not realize that it has been so many months since I have blogged. Things have been crazy busy.

ALL my kids are now in school for some part of the day! Who ever thought this would happen. I can not believe how grown they are. Tony and me are always telling the kids how proud of them we are.. today I told Lorenzo that I was proud of him for being such a good boy on his field trip. (he went to the pumpkin patch with his headstart class) And he asked me are you "Proud of me like Dad is??" Who knew, how important little things are. He is definately the comedian of the family and so funny. Gotta love my Lenny!

Another major sadness for me is that Rachael is once again living with her grandmother. I am not going to go into details but at best she should know that we all miss her and maybe some days we just don't laugh as much.

The biggest news is......... I AM RECONNECTED AND THE PLUMBING WORKS!!!!!

I finally scheduled the surgery and went in on Octiber 12 to get rid of the ileostomy bag! I must say that I was nervous and really not sure if I wanted to do it. I was mostly afriad of it not working or having to wear adult diapers forever. Once you have the bag, you adjust to it and its really not as "bad" as it is. Anyways, everyone else felt I really needed to get this done and well I wasn't sure and I can't even say I was exicted about it.

But now that I did it, I feel DIFFERENT! I feel BETTER. I know I am still suffering the side effects from the chemo but I feel so much better. I think it was a head thing. Now I am waiting for the wound to finish healing so I can move on to the next phase in my life. Whatever that may be. October is Breast Cancer awarness month. I am glad that so many women are behind the cause and supporting it. I am also JEALOUS. Most have heard my rants about other cancers (ie Colon) not getting enough funding because BC is consumming all the dollars. Just when you think about BC also think about the other cancers! And as always... check your butts!

Where to Go

2009-08-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have not been very good about blogging. I am trying to determine whether I want to change to another "blog" or continue this one. I am trying to embrace the thoughts that I NO LONGER HAVE CANCER. Even though I am still dealing with the sideeffects of the chemo. Still trying to get with the surgeon so I can finally put all this behind me. Who ever thought taking a crap would become a goal I would want to achieve.

I just passed my one year anniversary of "YOU HAVE CANCER" what a strange and enlightening year it has been. I am stronger (mentally) and now have a more clear understanding of what "don't sweat the small stuff"means. I still want to do alot more for Colon Cancer. Almost everyday I meet someone who knows someone affect with it. We need to get the word out. My heart breaks whenever I hear someone has a stage IV. Its sp preventable, if we only get over the YUCK factor.

39 Here I come......

2009-05-11T19:08:00.001-07:00

I can not believe that I will be 39 in a few days. I am actually looking forward to it! Only because I can say I am another year older. I hope to enjoy many more. Cancer really makes you appreciate the little things. My daughter made me a beautiful photo album for Mothers Day. It was so special to me that she took the time to go through boxes of pictures and organize them in an album with captions. Every picture has a memory and the best part is she left blank pages at the end to fill in in the years to come. Is that postive thinking or what!!!

I am also trying to raise money for the CCA (Colon Cancer Alliance). They are an agency that helps for reseach funding and information. I want to raise 3900 in lieu of me turning 39!!! I am also trying to start a chapter in the DC area because the nearest is Philly and we need this and I need to give back. I have been so blessed with all the opportunites given me now, I understand the meaning of don't sweat the small stuff..

I only have 3 treatments left. I am so excited, I remember when I was 3 treatments in and eanted to Quit. I tired several times but the doc refused. Now the end is in site and I am excited about the possibilities for the rest of my life.

If you want to make a donation, hit me uo via email and I will give you the details.

Its a been Awhile

2009-04-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

I know I am terrible its been forever since I updated but I have alot of news to report!

First of all I am almost done with the Chemo. Just 4 more treatments to go (about 8 weeks) and them another surgery sometime this summer and then its cancer free. The Doctor has changed my chemo drugs so I am no longer getting as sick and tired as I was. I was actually able to wash the car this past weekend. That is something I haven't done in forever!!!!

Second I am trying to start a chapter for the CCA ( Colon Cancer Alliance). The nearest chapter to us is in Philly and thats too far we need something so much more local.

Well in a few weeks, I will turn another year older. Some people get really depresses at 39 ! But I am excited. Exicted mostly that I am still here to see it. Some say life starts at 40! Mine starts now. My wonderful hubby is throwing a big bash where we collect donations for CCA. Hit me up if you want to come to the Party.

Holla at your girl, there alot of you I haven't heard from lately.

Check out the reasons I keep going....

Reality Check

2009-03-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

Cancer changes your life, we all know that. I think I will never be the same. It will always be life before cancer and for right now life with cancer. My doctor brought me up to reality this past week when I told her I want to stop treatment, that the side effects were to hard on me etc. Her words were you are too young, i fyou don't do this you won't be here in 2 years!

As much as I like to think things will be OK, the reality is there. I have cancer, Stage III. ITs over a 50% chance that I can die from this in 5 years. So now I think what will my life leave behind?? What small mark have I left on this earth. I hope it will be big and grand, but most of all I hope that I made a difference to at least one person. And if I haven't, theres still tomorrow.

I made a hard decision today to not be second best to anyone. To stop trying to be wanted by people that too busy to "worry about me". I know thats selfish but we all want to know where we belong what roles we play and who we are important too. I know in my heart of hearts for me what my role and place is. I know whose going to be there and whose just saying crap because they feel bad, they forgot to call me or were to busy. Bottom line is, I am sick , I have a life illness, if you are to busy to check on me and my family even from afar, then leave me alone. Stop pretending and most of all stop having me want to be important to you.

This is my reality check.

Things to describe me

2009-02-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

Over the last week I have been described as Amazing, a hero. I find this so strange. I am just a mom fighting a battle to save her life. I am surprised that people think I am amazing. I thought myself kinda regular. I guess I have accomplished much and do not realize the real struggle I am fighting now. I guess if I really thought about what I am going through and the hard road it is, I would definately quit. Lord knows I have tried many times but too many people are depending on me to just be amazing.

My husband told me over our Valentines dinner that I was beautiful! That was touching because with all the new scars from surgery and the other thing I really don't feel too beautiful. Do we often not see our selves as others do?? I am no where near perfect, (see I admited faults) but to many it appears I am a rock, an altar, Amazing. I think I need to start seeing myself as others do.

I am so amazed by the women, I see at my chemo appts. We are all worn out anf tired but some of them are dressed to the hilt and are so beautiful even with no hair. One lady told me I am going to dress to the nines to fight this battle so whether I win or lose. People will say Damn she looked good! So for my next appt I am at least going to wear lipstick. Maybe do my hair a little too. Be postive and be Amazing.

Cancer has given me a new outlook on life. Losingmy job has forced me to take a stepand consider what I want to do really. Everything will be OK as Tony always says. Thats the one thing he is always right about. We are always ok. and now we can be Amazing!

Back to the living

2009-01-18T16:18:00.000-08:00

I know its been forever!! With the surgery and the holidays and Disney I have been swamped and tired out. Let me update...

We did make it to DISNEY and we had a blast. We stayed at the Nick Hotel and had breakfast with Sponge BOB and friends every morning. What great fun and we also got splashed by Shamu at Seaworld. As you know we Drove and enterprise donated the car for our trip GREAT! The best part it was like 80 degrees the entire time we were there.

Well, first I started my chemo again and it totally sucks. This round makes me so sick that I am actually in discussions with my doctor regarding not continuing. I have also done so much more research on Chemo and am not too thrilled about what I am finding out.

Back to the living...

2008-11-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

Its a long and SLOW recovery. I have good news though. They got all the cancer and there are no longer any cancer cells left in my colon. Thats the best. I still have to have another round of chemo starting in December after our Disney trip. The Doc was also able to reconnect me!!!!!! In about 3 months I will be back to normal. Right now I am sitting around (well laying) but slowly getting better. I can now get up by myself.

I do want to let everyone know that I saved a life. Avery dear friend of mine, upon hearing of my diagnosis went and got her test. They found a cancerous polyp and removed it. I am so glad that I inspired someone to get checked!!!

Thats about all I can do for now. Pain meds are kicking in.

FINNALY

2008-11-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

This is Kaylah again. We finnaly got our internet on in our new house. My mothers surgery went great, She is on a bag for now but only 3 months. I will be seeing her Today and I will let her know that I updated. She cant eat for 72 hours but she is on a fluid that goes straight to the stomach. When I know more I will let you know.

-Kaylah

Information Now available

2008-10-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

I have found a great picture that clearly demonstrates what I have. I am a stage III. In stage III, cancer has spread to nearby lymph nodes, but it has not spread to other parts of the body. This is the surgery that I am having:

Open surgery: The surgeon makes a large cut into your abdomen to remove the tumor and part of the healthy colon or rectum. Some nearby lymph nodes are also removed. The surgeon checks the rest of your intestine and your liver to see if the cancer has spread.

When a section of your colon or rectum is removed, the surgeon can usually reconnect the healthy parts. However, sometimes reconnection is not possible. In this case, the surgeon creates a new path for waste to leave your body. The surgeon makes an opening (stoma) in the wall of the abdomen, connects the upper end of the intestine to the stoma, and closes the other end. The operation to create the stoma is called a colostomy. A flat bag fits over the stoma to collect waste, and a special adhesive holds it in place. This is what we are hopping will not be my case.

For more info check out ccalliance.org This is one of the best sites I have found. We are still trying to raise funds. Thanks already for all those who have Chipped in. Anything that we do not use will be donated to a Colon Cancer charity.

Thanks!!!!!

Cancer, Cancer Everywhere....

2008-10-20T18:12:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that everywhere I go, there is something related to Cancer. Mostly breast. Is it wrong to be jealous or bitter?? I know that millions of women are struck with Breast cancer but HELLO, thats not my cancer and I see nothing about my cancer. Can we get the word out about Colon which is rapidly on the raise?? Its harder to detect and people are more afraid to go to the doctor for symptoms due to the Eck factor.

There is one thing I know for sure Cancer does not discriminate and it unites. It doesn't care if you are white, black , rich or poor. It will attack you and the feelings I have are the same feelings the 65 year old women has. We all feel alone, no matter how many people are around us. Nobody can understand what its like to look Death in the face and decide to fight. To try for another day. Nobody gets how hard it is to be positive for everyone when all we want to do is give up. Nobody gets it but another one whose life has been touched by cancer. This I also know for sure....

Cancer is so limited, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot shatter hope,It cannot kill friendships, It cannot cripple love, It cannot destroy peace, It cannot silence courage, It cannot suppress memories, It cannot conquer the spirit

As I get closer to my surgery, I get more anxious and stressed. I am waiting for that peace and calm to come over me and maybe hopefully it will SOON???

We are going,,,,

2008-10-14T20:36:00.001-07:00

to see Mickey Mouse. Memories of Love has chosen to send our family to Disney world. What a riot. I think I am more excited than the kids. Its a few months out but that gives me time to recover and get everything together. All we need to do is get to Florida. I want everyone to check out www.memoriesoflove.org and when you are thinking of making donations this year. Keep them in mind.

Overall I am Good. I am nervous about the surgery but that's just because I have never been cut open and that's whats freaking me out. I went to another cancer support group last night and it helps. Especially because everyone there knows exactly what we are going through and the different feelings etc. Its amazing how cancer bonds people. Its just amazing to me how wonderful people are. They say that everything happens for a reason and I feel like part of me having cancer, has made me appreciate everything so much, especially everybody around me.

I love you all!

Good News

2008-10-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

Well, its been another while but that was due to internet problems. Now we are back on board.

I saw my surgeon last week and he had GOOD NEWS! The tumor has shrunk. Still need surgery but I had a really good result from the Radiation.

The Surgery is scheduled for November 6. It will be about 6 hours. The Doc will not know until he gets in there whether he can reconnect my colon or not. Therefore going into this, I do not know if I will end up with a permanent bag or not. As my surgeon says, The object here was first and foremost to get rid of the cancer. Everything else is secondary. So far, I have fared very well so the doctors say.

A Message of hope

2008-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was honored today to meet some very special people. Let me explain, in my search for organizations and assistance I was sent a link to the www.messageofhopecancerfund.org web page. This organization was started by another one whose life was changed by cancer and they decided to give back. The organization will be able to assist us, if we should need help in the future. I already feel blessed that I was able to meet such inspirational people. Meredith is a beautiful person, inside and out. Her mother too. There was so much surrounding them and to know that she was struggling with cancer and is so at peace now, gives me hope. When I am better, I plan to help this new organization as much as I can. Please check out the web page and offer any support possible. They are truly amazing.
One more thing everyone knows how I am about numbers and well they had a booth at the Oktoberfest and a plague representing all the different people they help with a message from them. On mine, they chose a quote from the blog I wrote on September 16!!!! I know that is a sign that I was to be in contact with them.

For those that don't know let me explain the number thing. All my life I have been drawn to the number 16 and through out my life several important events have happened on the 16th.
I was born May 16
There are 16 letters in my maiden name (kathryn ann france)
I met my Husband on April 16
We married August 16 (16 months to the day we met)
My sons were conceived on the 16th of the month
My father joined the Mormon church on Dec 16 (that's where he meet my mom)
Freaky but theres a reason for everything.

Update:

I am feeling Great, almost back to my old self. I assisted in cleaning the house today from top to bottom, Something that was put on the back burner for awhile now. We had a great day at the Oktober Fest with the kids. Unfortunately my wish of wearing them out did not work as they are still Wide awake waiting for cookies!!!

I am Back!

2008-10-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

Its been forever and I decided that I am not starting a new blog. Do what you want, this isn't about you. Alot has happened since my last post, so let me catch you up to date.

First I finished the radiation and the chemo. YEAH! There were some challenges though, the port got infected and had to come out. Ouch, now I am walking around with an open hole that will slowly close up and heal. Second I got whats called a pic line in my arm, basically an IV that runs to the big vein in your chest, now that hurt, more than the port.

Surgery is offically schedule for November 6!! Six is my lucky number.

Things are moving along and now that the treatments are over, I am feeling so much better. Stay tuned.

Everyone

2008-09-17T18:23:00.001-07:00

Due to recent events, I need to protect my blog. Therefore it will soon be viewed only by those I give permissions too for now. Please send me an email if you want to keep reading. As for the rest of you F@#$ off!

It will all be ok..

2008-09-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

so I decided to live by my hubby's thought that no matter what it will all be ok. I think my down moods have really discouraged him and me for a bit. But he made a good point today.. There is nothing that we can't get through, just stop thinking you are going to die. Sometimes being happy and cheerful is HARD. Having cancer is HARD but enjoying life should be easy. So I am taking the easy way out. I did notice that when I am more positive I feel better and have more energy. Hmm wonder why??

I have also been doing a challenge from the Better to bless website. Its all about seeing blessings in ALL things. It changes your perspective on things, like every situation is GOOD. For instance, having Cancer is good because I have tons of new friends that love me and I realize just how improtant and how much I love the ones around me. See theres gotta be good in everything. So I challenge you all to check it out at www.bettertobless.com.

I am doing GOOD! We are almost done with Chemo and Radiation (more than halfway). I am tired but not too drained. The mediport is of course causing problems. I guess my body doesn't do well with a foreign object in it. I am still on anitbotics to clear it up but if it doesn't work it will come out before I finish all my treatment. I am really looking forward to the 6 week break between Chemo and Surgery. Maybe life will go a little bit back to Normal? The nausea has gone away but maybe its because I have major issues with the other end??? Who knew bowels and poop would become such a discussion topic.

I am still letting everyone know to get TESTED especially if you have any issues. I found the other day, that I am like 3 years behind schedule for a mammogram..who knew??? SO everyone.. if you havent been in awhile, lets schedule those check ups. Its always better to know, than to NOT.

Save my Mom's Butt

2008-09-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well this is her daughter again. For her daily readers you might remember me from when she first started writing i wrote one to. Me and my two sisters today,started a fundraiser for my mother. We support her over 150%. We do not have the funds for the things she needs.Prescriptions and Co-Pays. If you could donate we would be very thankful. 1 dollar from you would be perfect if you could do more we would be very glad and thankful. Well thank you all for your time reading
XOXOKaylahXOXO

http://buttcancer.chipin.com/save-my-moms-butt

The link is for if you are going to donate. Thankyou

2008-09-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

Sick People STAY AWAY!

2008-09-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

Now I know why people on Chemo should not be sick. Its ten times worse. I am SICK but in great spirits. I have a sore throat, killer headaches and stuffy nose. To the rest of the world, a common head cold to me, the head cold from Hell. I was up all night unable to sleep due to the pain so I took a run over to my friendly ER (Shady Grave) and waited 2 hours for the doctor to tell me.... keep doing what your doing but here's more pain medication. Yes another prescription. Hubby is starting to freak with all the meds I am on. The worst is he's cooking tonight but my throat's to sore to eat. Bummer!

We have some great events this week, my 5 year old lost his first tooth! I didn't even realize it was time for that to start happening. I was thinking I had a few more years, time to find the tooth fairy again. And his sister told him the tooth fairy leaves like 5 bucks! On whose budget is that. Another great grown up event that my sons did was open and set up our new DVD player. Totally connected and got it to work. Remember now they are 5, 4 and 3. What smart kids I have. They wanted to help put together the new vaccum but that did not have color coded cords!

Tomorrow is Week 4 almost done with Chemo and radiation. Things are going well, if you dont hear from, I am probly knocked out from all the meds.

Hmm

2008-09-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a few days and I've been wondering if I should??? I have gotten some comments over the last few days that have me wondering should I write this blog. I think I need to make everyone clear on why I am doing this. First this is my BLOG! Thats right me Kat, the one with the Colon Cancer. Secondly, it was started as an easy way to keep all the people that care about me informed of my random thoughts and progress etc. It is not made to change the world, it is not an educational manual on Colon Cancer. If it perks your interest to look more into it great. If I do something Like type a bad word without signs, I don't care for your opinion. Where I live we are like sailors and our mouths are not clean at all. BUT I do not think it makes me a BAD example to my children. I have shown my children how to work hard and strive for their dreams. Because I cuss is not going to deminish that example. Now, that I said that I feel NO BETTER!

DO PEOPLE REALLY READ THIS??? DO YOU REALLY CARE??? IT HAS NOT BEEN A GOOD DAY!

For those that want to know heres an update:

I started week 3 of Rad and chemo with a really bad rash on my port. It's an allergic reaction to the gauze that they put to cover the needle??? Can you believe that. I am allergic to gauze! I am really trying to get the side effects under control. I took a break today and sleep all day, I think I have been doing too much, working and still doing all the things required of A GREAT mother. But according to some I might not be so great! Enough sarcasm...

I am getting really tired. But I can't sleep so I got some sleeping pills. Thinking about it, I have not slept since August 1! That wonderful day that my life changed. Sorry for the remose tone today, I don't feel over happy, actually, I am really Pissed (is that offensive) at several people some near, some far.

I am going Crazy...

2008-09-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

or at least my family thinks so. My mood swings are out of control. Its like a roller coaster up/down up/down. The closer it gets to Tuesday, the more depressed I get. Not sure if its cause I gotta get the pump or if its the other place I have to go too. Some days I just want to Quit. Or maybe its because I did quit smoking that is???

Anyways, I have done some interesting research this weekend. Basically there's some help for cancer patients but basically you are on your own. there is tons of information about the disease but its alot more difficult to find financial help. I hate to be seeming to drown on money but I have to be prepared. Knowing I could take it easy and the house will run is a big deal for me. I met a women who is starting a non-profit for cancer patients and there family. Its called Cancer Crusaders. As some of you may know, I was working on my own non profit (Sixteen Diamonds) for underprivileged young women. I was all set to roll it out on August 16, when Cancer hit. So for the time its on the back burner. Anyways, I am thinking I can use some of my skills and help her out. I am multi-talented. Maybe this is another calling of mine.

My husband made a comment the other night, that has me thinking, he asked why I never talk about him in my blog... there are several reasons but the one is he is very private. I didn't even tell him I had a blog for the longest time. I married a MAN a straight up no tears no emotions man. Solid to the bone. I have been trying to get my mind around how he must feel and I think I would rather yell and scream when things don't go my way than to realize he's probably just as scared as I am but you see I can't entertain that idea because regardless of the past he is my strength and his faith keeps me going, I don't think I could hold it together if he started treating me as if I had a death sentence. I guess the fact that he really hasn't changed his reaction or his personality in a way is comforting but annoying. Too many people are pitying me and its annoying. I am still me just a little more bitchy.

Tomorrow, I plan to ask the dcotors some more detailed questions about my cancer and the side effects I am going through. I am sure that there has to other ways to handle rather than DRUGS and more Drugs.

I just realized I have know bout my cancer for one month now. What a whirl wind of a month. Not sure how I feel about this new reality thats my life... a mom with butt cancer.

Check out www.colonclub.com

If you live properly..

2008-08-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

the dreams will come.

A very wise aunt of mine sent me this video ( i havent figured out to load videos so just click on the link.)

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

It was a real eye opening. This past week has been much to hard for me. But I wonder did my mood and reaction to others put me in a funk??? I am refocusing on me! Wow, what a change! I don't want to be bogged down with the stupid annoying people or situations anymore. I am amazed when everyone tells me how well I am doing... they have no idea. Just because I don't look sick doesn't mean I feel great. Its kind of an insult, like they have an expectation of what a person with cancer is suppose to look like??? Well this is what a mother of 6 with cancer look likes :

And this

I have been many things in my life an abused child, a forgotten one, a confused teenager, a concerned about her race adult, a student, a boss, a wife but most important a mother and soon I will add cancer survior. There is no feeling bad during this test, theres no reason not to smile... I am alive, I have 6 Beautiful Kids, I have friends and family who love me more than I ever realized.

My childhood dream was to be important, to be successful, to make a difference. I would like to think I have done all of these several times over??? So another day, another fight. Thanks to everyone walking beside me on this journey and especially to those that stoop down and help me go on when I think I can't.

UPDATE;
Week 2 is down the hatch. As Docs stated side effects are getting worse and pills to fix them more expensive. This is the reality of Cancer. It's Expensive but even bills don't stress me anymore.... I am fighting for my life ... Fuck the cost!

I have to add one tidbit.. I was really freaked about going to my doctor, and seeing the scale increase a pound or two every week but a friend (a great friend) told me that its Chemo weight!! Duh, because I am getting fluids regularly, I am bound to gain a pound or too. The things you do not realize when its happening to you. I love this friend and want to let her know.. she a light on my darkest day, her knowledge astonishes me and her compassion overwhelms me. I am so lucky because I have more than one like her. You know who you are.

I AM LOVED

2008-08-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

First.. thats how rough it is to get all 6 kids and husband in a picture.

Wow, today was a day of surprises and small miracles. A few of my new great friends sent me some surprises. It made me realize that no matter how hard things get and no matter how much I may cry on my morning drive, someone from a state or two away is going to make me laugh and feel so special. I can not express my gratitude or the feeling I have for all of you. The best part was that for now, I am not stressed about getting another prescription filled or searching for another co-pay. Thanks GUYS. GOOD Karma to you all.

As I continue on this journey, I am learning so much about this disease that is the 2ND most deadly cancer but also the most preventable. I am distressed though by how many people do not realize what is going on and won't ask the questions but also by how many Docs send us away with the wrong diagnose. No many know this but I actually went to a doctor 6 months ago about the same problem, he told me it was hemorrhoids and put me on a Fiber diet (gross!!) Needless to say it didn't resolve my issue, so I researched for another Doc , for some reason I didn't like the first one, I can say that I am glad I listened to my "Gut!"

Just a heads up, I am working on somethings, I will try to add pictures as soon as I figure out how!!!! I am also working on gtting more facts and information out there as well as links to some great sites I have come across in my search for answers!

One Week Down

2008-08-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finished the first week of Chemo and radiation. Not great but not so bad. I was released from my pump for the weekend and took advantage of taking as many showers as possible. I can't get the pump or IV wet so I am resolved to taking baths while I am hooked up with the pump. challenging yes. I got meds for all my symptoms but they don't seem to be working. The pain pills did nothing to ease the pain from the port at all. Guess I will have to ask for higher?? I am really trying to stay away from medicating for every ache and pain but all this extra pain wears me down emotionally.

Speaking of Emotionally, alot of things have gone on this week, that have me questioning who I am and what I believe in. Sometimes you think you are doing good and Bam out of the water the world drops around you and people say things that have you thinking What the F%^&! I am so realizing who's with me and whose against me, unfortunately those not with me are causing me undue amounts of stress. I think when treatment and surgery is done, My life will be changed and I will no longer tolerate the BS I get.

This is a embarrassing spot for me but I am curious about peoples opinion. OK I know I have cancer and its most likely curable, but I am devastated about the financial aspects its will have on my life. I already know that I will be out of work for several weeks at least and who knows what will happen there. Anyways, I have a friend starting a fundraiser but I am embarrassed??? I worked so hard to avoid depending on others but as the main support (me) of our family appears may be without pay for a bit, I need to figure out a way to pay the bills. Any suggestions, greatly appreciated!

You shouldn't have....

2008-08-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

any effects from all the drugs we are pumping into your body on a daily basis.

*******************LIAR LIAR LIAR. *********************

2 days after chemo infusion and radiation, I can say I have effects. I feel horrible, nauseous, tired, cranky etc. I am trying to be upbeat and positive but lets get real. I am willingly taking a drug that in a sense will poison me and I am also willingly letting them shoot radiation through the lower half of me. I know the benefits (cancer be gone) are more worthwhile than NOT doing it but every once in awhile I feel like I CAN'T DO THIS!

Other than that, everything is pretty much status quo. I do this for 6 weeks then I meet with the surgeon and discuss surgery. I use to think 6 was my luck number but I have too much going on with the 6.. check this I have 6 weeks of chemo/radiation. My surgery is on 10/06 and is suppose to be 6 hours long and my hospital stay is also projected to be 6 days! Weird huh? I always had a thing with numbers.

Another day...5 years.

2008-08-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

Today is my 5 year anniversary. The one thing we realize is that this is our biggest test. Fights and arguements all seem so senseless. Everyone lives are richer and better because they have experienced love. I am glad that I wish for another 5 years.

MY 4 yr. old keeps asking if the doctors got the germs out of my body??? Then he lays his head on my shoulder and snuggles. I truley believe our children are more intune with the spirit when they are young. I feel a deep connection to him and try to sooth him as often as I can. The sweetest thing, he climbed on lap today and started to sing "the barney song". Anyone with a kid born in the last 20 years knows the Barney song! This is what keeps me going, keeps my spirits alive... MY FAMILY. Doing all I need to do doesn't seem so bad if it gives me more time with them.

What I have learned

2008-08-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

.in these 2 short weeks that my life has changed, I have learned many things.

I have learned that the most unlikely people step up and do things. People who were aquintances are now my strongest advocates. I have also learned that people who are "expected" to be there very readily will not. I feel as I have gone on a lifetime journey these past two weeks, I have had good friends become great ones and I have had my faith tested in ways unknown. I have meet strangers that have reached out and offered to help and I have been left crying with my own pain. Though I know the road ahead is hard and scarey and those we want to be by our side, most likely will not, I amazed by the ones who I never thought of, who are there each and everyday. Those who cry with me and cheer me on. Thats what really important. Its not always those we think we are suppose to love who give us the greatest joy but the unexpected. I am grateful for all that I have . Maybe this cancer, was not a test for me to overcome but maybe a test for someone else. Maybe their test is what do you do when your "love (?) one" has cancer? Now, I know the answer. My test is to take the information and move on. Believing in myself and making the world I live in a better place. Being strong and kicking butt.

UPDATE:

Mediport is in and shoud be called MediPAIN. Sore my butt, this thing is painful. Black and blue and it hurts...not so much anymore and the doc says that I will be grateful its in. Time will tell on that one.

Chemo and radiation start Monday. What an exciting day! PUMPED UP WITH DRUGS AND LASERED IN THE BUTT.

FREAKED OUT.....

2008-08-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

That sums up how I feel...chemo , radiation... what else??? I guess I am most concerned about how SICK I am going to be. Illness (when it's mine) freaks me out. I hate when stuff comes out of areas its not suppose too. I spoke to an old old friend who gave me the real deal on the treatment. It's like getting up every morning and having your Butt kicked (in my case literally).

I get my mediport tomorrow. From what I understand, its like an iv put under my collarbone for all my chemo treatments so I don't get pocked every day for 6 weeks. Doesn't sound bad, huh? Then why is the procedure 4 hours long? Then back to the Radiation Doc for more tests to determine exactly where to shoot the laser ( yeah , I have all thoughts of locations too.) Basically its abs, sides and back. I guess this is all a small price to pay for LIFE!

I guess this would be considered a "rough day". And if one more person asks how I knew I am going to Scream. It's colon Rectal cancer, how do you think I knew???? Apparently I had stuff (blood) coming out of places its not suppose too. Of all the cancers, you can get... I had to get this one!

The NEWS is........

2008-08-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

The cancer has not spread, not in the lymph nodes and not to other organs. All in all, the best possible thing you want to hear in my situation. Because it has not spread, the cure rate is about 90 %! Even I would take those odds!

The treatment plan pretty much stays the same. The only difference is that they are adding Chemo to the radiation and chemo after surgery. I still may end up a bag lady but to me thats a small price for my life. Next week , I am going to have a Mediport put in, basically an IV under my collar bone for the chemo. I will start my treatments the following week, same time as my big boy starts Football!

As I travel through this journey, I am so amazed but how many people cancer has affected. Whether it be a family member or themselves, its a true test of surivial.

Each day now, I am more Thankful for what I have and the life I hae lived. I treasue each sticky hug and kiss a little more. Take a little more time to listen to my chatty teenager. I realize that as big and strong of a man my hubby is, his biggest fear is losing me and that makes all the difference. I am grateful for all these things and many more. But most of all, I am grateful to experience them for awhile longer.

http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/saucer.php

I still cant believe my mom has Butt Cancer

2008-08-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

This is her Daughter, My name is Kaylah. I am the one that labled her cancer butt cancer. At first when she went to the doctor she did not know what was wrong, She had an idea but like a good mother she did not tell us till she was sure. When she first told her kids she was saying it in a joking fashion. I thought that it had done no harm to her. When she really busted out in tears telling my sister what was wrong. I started crying. I found out that it was real. This is reality. My mom has CANCER!, and there is nothing I can do to make it go away. At times I wish this was just a bad dream and I would wake up one day,But I do not think that is going to happen. I love my mom so much. I never thought anything bad can happen to her. Like most people. You never expect it to happen to you. I wouldnt want this to happen to anyone. But why did it have to happen to my mom. Shes going threw so much now and to put this on her shoulders that is just a heck of alot. I thought about how life would be with out my mom, and I just couldnt imagine it. Shes my life. I love her to death and beyond. Well this blog will here more from me just not today.

♥♥♥Kaylah♥♥♥

What do I want this to become...

2008-08-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation today. A dear friend asked me " What do you want this to become?" Weird question, I know but an appropriate one. For those that know me well, know I am passionate about serveral things and those causes happen to be a result of something that I experienced. I told my friend, this is my new cause! I want to educate and inform. If talking about my butt gets people to get tested, so be it. Then I would have made another difference and left another Mark upon this world. Who better than me to get the word out... I have survied every bad thing imaginable and I guess the only thing left to throw in my path was Cancer and not only Cancer but the most embarrassing... BUTT Cancer!

This is where you come in... I want everyone to be aware of the changes that happen in your body. Don't be embarrassed to ask questions about private areas. Go to the doctor, get the test! I have a few other ideas brewing in my head , I want to have fund raisers, but most of all I want to get the word out. I want to be the poster African-American Woman of Colon Cancer. I want to make a difference and save one life even if turns out not to be my own.

I love you all and the prayers are working, I feel great!

To win , you must have the right Equipment..

2008-08-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

I view cancer as a war against my body. In order to property fight this war, I need the right equipment. At this stage, the most important equipment is Knowledge. I have gotten so MANY questions about this that I am going to share some of what I managed to learn here....

According to the American Cancer Society, colorectal cancer is one of the leading causes of cancer-related deaths in the United States. (However, early diagnosis often leads to a complete cure.) There is no single cause for colon cancer. Nearly all colon cancers begin as non-cancerous (benign) polyps, which slowly develop into cancer.

How did I know, well I didn't I had a few questionable changes that freaked me out enough to get it checked out.

Abdominal pain and tenderness in the lower abdomen
Blood in the stool (YEP, this was ME!)
Diarrhea, constipation, or other change in bowel habits ( This was me too)
Intestinal obstruction
Narrow stools
Unexplained anemia
Weight loss with no known reason

Was that TMI... But hey I figure everyone asks.

I am sure that I will have more answer pertaining to ME after I meet with the DOC on Wednesday. Till then I sit ( yeah not hard stuff though, Pops!) and wait and READ.

Information is the key.

Today is the day I fight for my life!

2008-08-03T17:23:00.001-07:00

To be diagnosed with Cancer is not funny, but sometimes humor will make the journey easier. Easier especially with kids, hence the name of my blog site. My daughter interpreted colon rectal cancer as butt cancer.

I was diagnosed 2 days ago with Colon rectal cancer. The scariest part for me is that I almost did not go the doctor because of embarassment. I don't have many details of the stage or if it has spread. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Wednesday. I do know that I need to start with radiation and then have part of of my colon removed.

Now about me.... I am a mom of 6. 3 boys and 3 girls. They are my biggest joy and best accomplishment. I work full time as an accountant for a construction company and am a part time consultant for small business and personal taxes. This was my life before cancer.

I am blessed to have many friends and hopefully a great support system. My new passion is for everyone to get checked . Have the test. Like Nike... Just do it.