If you live properly..

the dreams will come.

A very wise aunt of mine sent me this video ( i havent figured out to load videos so just click on the link.)

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

It was a real eye opening. This past week has been much to hard for me. But I wonder did my mood and reaction to others put me in a funk??? I am refocusing on me! Wow, what a change! I don't want to be bogged down with the stupid annoying people or situations anymore. I am amazed when everyone tells me how well I am doing... they have no idea. Just because I don't look sick doesn't mean I feel great. Its kind of an insult, like they have an expectation of what a person with cancer is suppose to look like??? Well this is what a mother of 6 with cancer look likes :

And this

I have been many things in my life an abused child, a forgotten one, a confused teenager, a concerned about her race adult, a student, a boss, a wife but most important a mother and soon I will add cancer survior. There is no feeling bad during this test, theres no reason not to smile... I am alive, I have 6 Beautiful Kids, I have friends and family who love me more than I ever realized.

My childhood dream was to be important, to be successful, to make a difference. I would like to think I have done all of these several times over??? So another day, another fight. Thanks to everyone walking beside me on this journey and especially to those that stoop down and help me go on when I think I can't.

UPDATE;
Week 2 is down the hatch. As Docs stated side effects are getting worse and pills to fix them more expensive. This is the reality of Cancer. It's Expensive but even bills don't stress me anymore.... I am fighting for my life ... Fuck the cost!

I have to add one tidbit.. I was really freaked about going to my doctor, and seeing the scale increase a pound or two every week but a friend (a great friend) told me that its Chemo weight!! Duh, because I am getting fluids regularly, I am bound to gain a pound or too. The things you do not realize when its happening to you. I love this friend and want to let her know.. she a light on my darkest day, her knowledge astonishes me and her compassion overwhelms me. I am so lucky because I have more than one like her. You know who you are.