Sunday, March 1, 2009

Reality Check

Cancer changes your life, we all know that. I think I will never be the same. It will always be life before cancer and for right now life with cancer. My doctor brought me up to reality this past week when I told her I want to stop treatment, that the side effects were to hard on me etc. Her words were you are too young, i fyou don't do this you won't be here in 2 years!

As much as I like to think things will be OK, the reality is there. I have cancer, Stage III. ITs over a 50% chance that I can die from this in 5 years. So now I think what will my life leave behind?? What small mark have I left on this earth. I hope it will be big and grand, but most of all I hope that I made a difference to at least one person. And if I haven't, theres still tomorrow.

I made a hard decision today to not be second best to anyone. To stop trying to be wanted by people that too busy to "worry about me". I know thats selfish but we all want to know where we belong what roles we play and who we are important too. I know in my heart of hearts for me what my role and place is. I know whose going to be there and whose just saying crap because they feel bad, they forgot to call me or were to busy. Bottom line is, I am sick , I have a life illness, if you are to busy to check on me and my family even from afar, then leave me alone. Stop pretending and most of all stop having me want to be important to you.

This is my reality check.

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